Llamazard

There's something that's been on my mind lately, and it's quitting my job.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy working for Subway. It's a blast, my coworkers are a dream team, and being forced into a social situation that I cannot get out of has actually helped my social anxiety tremendously. But lately I've been having all of these artistic urges and fancies, with so little time to actually focus on them. As it is I work 6 days a week, 5 to 8 hours a day. It's not too bad, but because of all the socializing I do at work, I'm incredibly exhausted when I get home, so I don't have the energy to sit down and draw.

I have a few dilemmas about this situation. For one thing, I want to move to Washington as soon as I can, and that requires me to save money, so I'd have to stay with this job for a few months just to make that happen. For another thing, I'm still trying to get my truck fixed so that I can get to Adult Education and get my diploma, and I want to get that done before I move out.

I'd like to pursue my art a little more seriously, I'm just not sure what direction to take it in. Do I start with speedpaints on YouTube? Do I just continue building up my skill and uploading to deviantArt? The past couple years I've only drawn a couple handfuls of times, but the one thing that really got me back into drawing was Steven Universe. The art style, use of colors, the general themes all inspire me so much. I've been watching a lot of speedpainters lately on YouTube too, and that's been really inspiring me to get back into drawing, too. 

I bought a tablet a couple months ago, and I've only played around with it a couple times. I'd like to start being more consistent and uploading things more often, even if they're just sketches or WIP. Today I finished a Deviant ID, and I'm pretty pleased with it! I'm hoping that will continue my momentum.

    So for a very long time I've struggled with digital art. I'm awful on a tablet but not shabby with a mouse. There's only a few minor downsides to this, but all in all I'm happy being able to make anything digitally honestly. Now that I've got a cell phone (It's crazy to think when I first joined the website, I had absolutely no freedom. Also cell phones couldn't take pictures for shit) I can actually take a picture of the great drawing I made in real life, and redraw it with the pen tool on GIMP. I'm doing a lot of things I used to do as a kid and it's all very familiar, I'm loving it. I feel like I'm picking up all of my old skills. I couldn't draw with the mouse very well when I was like, 15 or so, and what I'd do is get a lineart (free to color ones, obviously) and color it in. I picked up a lot of techniques and color schemes from those days, and I'm really excited to start showing that in my work.

    A long time ago I used to think art was the only thing that could provide for me. It became work; a chore to do. I had to get better, be better, so that I could earn money. But now that I'm older, a little more laid back, I realize that's not what art should be about at all. It should come from your heart, every single thing you create is a part of you. Every poem you wrote when you were 12, every song you sang when you were 15, every doodle you made in math, and every photograph you ever took of a time long lost. It's supposed to be this wreckage of insanity, because art is everything and inside everyone. It's not supposed to be this perfect, neat, cookie cutter package. It's supposed to be raw, and brutal and fucking gorgeous all at once.

    Anyways, the point is, I'm not making art for anybody else but myself now. I'm very excited to be going on this artistic journey with myself, if I'm perfectly honest. It's like feeling clarity for the first time. The reason why I couldn't handle deviantArt before was because I would compare my art to somebody else's. But now there's no need, I don't see the competition. I just want to create.

PokemonTownship is an amazing Pokemon trainer rp group. You draw to catch Pokemon (An awesome concept imo), there's tons of roleplaying options (From chatroom to deviation) and the people seem very friendly. c:

Man its been a long time since I've considered coming back to this website. But I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm comfortable just making art, without the need to compare, or the want to sell it. When I first joined this website I was Minakitsune (I hope thats still how you do it). Then, I was MinaKitsune9199 where you can still find a lot of my old art. Its all awful but thats alright haha, I learned a lot and I'm still learning. Which is why I wanted to make my way back to this website.

You see, now that I want to make art for myself, I have no idea what to make. I'm hoping by browsing other amazing things I'll be able to get a little more artistic inspiration. Because I haven't been looking at art much besides my own, or critiquing it (which I love to do), I feel like I'm not living up to my full potential. So hi!! I'm back!

My name is Shelby. I'm 20 years old, I live in sunny California (also known as EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE AND WE HAVE NO WATER) but hope to move to Washington someday. Or maybe just be a traveling artistic gypsy. That'd be pretty killer, too. I have depression and social anxiety but who doesn't now a days? I like Pokémon, though I haven't seen/played anything past Pokémon Platinum.

I forgot how to end journals

Also I really like this app. Back when I was on deviantArt all we had were flip phones.